[Disclaimer: Neither Caddy or I own the PPC, which is the property of Jay and Acacia. There is some music cred, but that goes at the bottom so as not to spoil the surprise! Beta Cred goes to Mister Shoebox, Data Junkie, EllipsisFlood, and Vixenmage.]
“Drew, why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”
Drew cocked an eyebrow. “Well, I kinda lost track of the days. I mean, it’s not like we can tell which day it is.”
Lucius blinked. “But… It’s your birthday! I mean, if I’d known, I would have gotten you something!”
“Lucius, dear, I’m flattered. But you don’t need to worry about it.” Drew shrugged. “Besides, I don’t really need anything at the moment. Except maybe psychological help, but that’s nothing to worry about.”
[BEEEEEEE-]
Lucius smacked the console.
Drew looked over. “What is it?”
“Bugger that. We’re having a party.”
Drew’s eyes widened. “Oh, really? You’d do that?”
“Of course I would!” He paused for a second. “Hmm. Not really a party with just the two of us, is it?”
Drew leaned against Lucius. “I’m sure we could make that work.”
Lucius scratched his chin. “Hey, I have an idea...”
***
Maria frowned at the message on the Console. “Cadmar!”
“Yeah?’ Cadmar shouted from farther in the RC.
“Come here! Message for you!”
“Oooh! Maybe I’m finished being a girl!” Maria heard Cadmar start running over, and then yelp as she tripped over something.
“Ow! Oh, sorry RaspuARGH! Stop biting me!” Cadmar hobbled over the last few metres to the Console, attempting to shake a very irate cat. Maria couldn’t help but laugh at the other girls plight.
“Damn it, Maria! Help me!”
Maria picked up the cat, which meowed petulantly and nuzzled into her neck. “Don’t worry, I’ll save you from the big bad genderbent psycho,” she cooed to the cat.
Cadmar glared balefully at Maria, who stuck her tongue out. “So, who is this Lucius guy that knows you?”
“Lucius? Oh yeah! You and Mark were gone or something, and we did some Badslash stuff in Zombieland.” Cadmar leaned forward and began reading the message. “Ooh, birthday huh? Sounds fun!”
Maria pouted as Cadmar began walking away and using a flashlight to look at the assorted things on shelves and racks. “You never told me that...”
“You never tell me where you disappear off to,” Cadmar countered.
Maria shrugged. “Point. Soooo, what you gonna get him?”
“Hmm hmm hmm.”
***
“Cadmar?” Drew was hanging from a ladder, affixing streamers to the weapon rack.
“Well, we don’t exactly know anybody else here, do we?”
Drew shrugged. “I wasn’t complaining. I was just wondering if anybody else was coming.”
The Shrimp looked up. “I’m here.”
“Yeah, but you’re not exactly coming, are you?”
“Maybe if you set me down outside the door?”
Lucius blinked. “That’s actually a pretty good idea.” He picked The Shrimp up, and disappeared out the door.
Drew grumbled to himself. “I need to get a party cannon.”
***
Cadmar flipped the gun around in her hands. “Well, Lucius said Drew likes guns from movies.” The IGA Coach 12 gauge shotgun, the gun used by Columbus in Zombieland. Cadmar wasn’t surprised Maria had something like it kicking around in the RC. After several minutes of studying the gun, she finally decided to see if it fired. If she had given this course of action a second of thought, she would have realized how stupid this was.
“Hmm, sights look good, trigger isn’t sticking...” she whirled around and pulled the trigger, aiming at the wall. The gun dis-charged, knocking her slightly off balance. “Wah! It was loaded?!””
“Yeah... it was...” An angry voice ground out. It was then that Cadmar suddenly noticed the krogan standing there. Really, she wasn’t sure how the hell she didn’t notice it before. The krogan cracked its knuckles, glaring at Cadmar.
“Hey! What’s that!?” Cadmar suddenly shouted, pointing behind the krogan. As the krogan turned to look, Cadmar fled down the hall as fast as she could.
***
Drew looked back at his work. “Hm... lookin’ pretty good! It’s still missing something, though.” He stood back and scratched his chin, then grinned widely. “Oh, I know...”
***
Cadmar threw the door open and ducked inside the room. The fact that the room was completely dark would usually have forced her back out of the room in fright, but an angry krogan was much more scary then the dark. She leaned against the door, closing it, breathing heavily. She heard the krogan run past, chuckling to himself.
“Phew...” she panted. “Lost him.” She slid down the door, trying to catch her breath.
“Hello?” a sleepy voice asked. The light turned on, revealing a sleepily Luxury, rubbing her eyes. Cadmar panicked and fumbled to get the door open. She managed just as Luxury opened her eyes. “Hunh, guess I must be imagining things...”
***
“So, what exactly are we doing here?” Were The Shrimp capable of making facial expressions, he would have looked quizzical.
Lucius pulled a pair of knives out from his pack. “Getting a box to put these in.”
“Ah.” If The Shrimp had eyebrows, he would have raised one. “I am supposing that you are using a set of your knives as a last minute presentation?”
Lucius shrugged. “I don’t see you getting him anything.”
“My present is under his chair.”
Lucius paused. “How did you know it was his birthday?”
“There was a message on the console while you two were out for dinner last night.”
“Ah.” Lucius blinked. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“I figured that this would be more amusing.” The Shrimp made a noise reminiscent of an extremely wet giggle.
“Well, it’s not.” Lucius sighed. “Anyways, let’s go find that box.”
***
Drew grinned at the wall of speakers. “That is beautiful.” Still grinning, he hooked his laptop up to the speakers. “Let’s give this a test...”
***
Cadmar was dragging the gun behind her as she walked through the hall. “Running from Luxury... I’m a scared newbie all over again...” She was cut out of her musings by being hit by a sudden wall of sound from the RC door she was passing. She stumbled back, momentarily stunned by the sudden sound.
I'm ahead, I'm a man
I'm the first mammal to wear pants, yeah
I'm at peace with my lust, I can kill 'cause in god I trust, yeah
It's evolution, baby
Cadmar clapped a hand over her ear, and stuffed the butt of the gun over her other. She kicked the door a couple of times. “Hey! Trying to be introspective here!”
Drew threw the door open. “But it’s evolution, baby!” He grinned. “Heya Cadmar!”
“Hey... Drew...” Cadmar slowly removed her hand from her ear. “So, I heard something about a birthday?”
Drew nodded. “Yep! Come on in!” Drew wandered back over to his laptop. “There’s drinks and stuff over on the desk. Don’t touch the jar, though. Those are actual eyes.”
“Eye see,” Cadmar remarked. “So, how many birthday whatevers do I owe you?”
Drew cocked an eyebrow. “What?”
“You know, birthday bumps, or shots, or what have you.”
“Ah.” Drew nodded. “Uhm. Twenty-ish.” He paused, perhaps for longer than was necessary. “Yeah. Twenty.”
“And you would like them in the form of...?” Cadmar slipped the gun behind her. There was always the chance he hadn’t noticed it yet.
Drew shrugged indifferently. “Eh. Punches’ll do.”
While Cadmar was punching Drew’s arm, Lucius and The Shrimp walked in.
“Oh, hey Cadmar.” Lucius raised an eyebrow. “Why are you abusing Drew? That’s my job!”
“Aww, you made me lose count,” Cadmar complained. “Hey Lucius! And small thing too!”
Lucius grinned. “Glad you could make it, mate!” He wheeled in a trolley. “I have obtained the most legendary of confectioneries!” A rather large cake sat on top of the trolley.
The Shrimp waved at Cadmar. “The cake was my idea.”
Cadmar cheered. “Yay! Though, I wonder where you got it...”
They say it's your birthday
Well, it's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
Drew giggled around a mouthful of cake. “And that’s how we found out Tom is afraid of fish.”
Lucius wiped some tears of mirth from his eyes. “Man. That’s why I never went to the Shifting Market alone.” He prodded Cadmar. “Hey, Cadmar, you drink?”
“Yeah, not much, ‘cause it’s no fun alone. Why do you ask?” Cadmar raised an eyebrow while carefully squishing cake with her fork. Not being able to chew was more then a slight hindrance while eating.
Drew bounced slightly. “Heh. I’ll be back in a second.”
Lucius chuckled. “I hope you like whisky, mate.”
“Never tried it. So... about the eyes...?”
“The jar o’ eyes?” Lucius grinned.
“Well, they certainly stick out more than one in a skull.”
Lucius shrugged. “Yeah. I have no idea. He came back from a mission by himself, and just started taking Sues eyes.”
Cadmar blinked. “... Is that even allowed?”
“He’s never gotten talked to about it. May have something to do with how he lost his eye on that mission.” Lucius shrugged again. “I think it’s only not a problem because he does it after the Sue is dead.”
“Yeah... Maria keeps going on about finding some Sue’s long hair for something...GAH! This icing is so sweet, it makes my teeth hurt!”
“I don’t feel pain!” Drew returned. “I’m dead!” He set some shot glasses and an array of bottles down on the trolley. “Alright, we’ve got the best Canadian whisky I could find, some aquavit, some vodka, and this half-empty bottle of tequila.”
“Yay! Canadian whisky! Nice to have stuff from back home!”
Drew beamed. “Crown is the best. ‘Course, I’ve never had much else, but hey! It’s still good!”
Oh, whiskey, gin and brandy
With a glass I'm pretty handy
I'm trying to walk a straight line
On sour mash and cheap wine
Drew looked about. “Hey, you guys seen Shrimpy lately?”
The Shrimp called out from the other side of the room. “Seeing as I am unable to partake in your debauchery, I have gone back to my terrarium. I would like to sleep but that seems unlikely, considering the volume of the music at the moment.”
“Aw, c’mon little... thing, the music is great!” Cadmar enthused.
“To you, perhaps. I, on the other hand, do not particularly like this sort of guitar... flail... stuff.” If The Shrimp had eyelids, he would have blinked. “Either way, I am going to retreat for the remainder of the night. Drew, your present is under your chair.”
“Riiiiight, presents. You wanna open ‘em now?” Cadmar grinned and bounced a bit with excitement.
Drew giggled and headbutted Lucius. “You go get those present things, mate.”
Lucius blinked. “There was a box.” He wandered off to grab the presents.
Well, show me the way
To the next whisky bar
Oh, don’t ask why
Drew flailed about. “Wrapping paper is hard while drunk!”
Cadmar giggled from where she was laying on the couch. “You gotta use a knife, ad like, stab the paper off!” Cadmar made a few stab motions.
Lucius flopped over on his partner. “Dreeew open mine first! It’s not got wrapping paper!”
Drew fumbled with the lid of the box. “I think that if I dump it upside down...” He flipped the box over, causing the lid to fall off, allowing the knives inside to drop onto the ground. “Ooooh, pointy things!”
“They’re thieves teef!” Lucius beamed.
Drew peered at his friend’s mouth. “Funny. You don’t seem to be missing any teeth...”
“They’re the type of knives, silly! You mentioned you always wanted a set of ‘em, so I gave you some of my extras!”
“Pointy things are ALWAYS great!” Cadmar pumped an arm in the air.
Drew nodded. “That they are.” He reached for the box he had been struggling with previously. “Alright, I think I can slip the knife in here... There we go!” He unwrapped the box and popped the lid off. “There is a lot of tissue paper in here...” He wadded the lot of it up and tossed it at Cadmar.
“Gah!” Cadmar covered her face and flailed, slipping off the couch. “Oof!”
Drew giggled. “Watch yerself, mate!” He pulled a shirt out of the bottom of the box. “...Is.” He blinked. “Cool! A chibi Makoto Nanaya!” He turned in the general direction of The Shrimp’s terrarium. “Thanks Shrimpy!”
The Shrimp didn’t reply.
Drew shrugged and put the shirt on.
“So... any particular reason you were shirtless before this?” Cadmar asked while attempting to climb back onto the couch. “Not that I didn’t enjoy the occasional shirtless day a while ago...”
“In my defence, Lucius is totally not wearing pants right now.” Drew shrugged.
“Of course.” Cadmar nodded sagely, still not able to get on the couch.
Drew giggled. “Oh, hey, I can’t find your present, mate. Then again, I’m kinda seeing double at the moment.”
“Where did it go...”? Cadmar got up finally, and stumbled over to where she was eating cake before, pulling the gun out from under Lucius’s pants and Drew’s shirt. “So, I heard you liek Zombieland...” She wiped the gun off and passed it to Drew, before plopping back down beside the couch.
“...Oh, man! It’s an IGA Coach... wossname thing! Twelve gauge!” Drew bounced excitedly. “This is awesome! Thanks Cadmar!” He paused. “I’d give you a hug, but I’m not sure I’m capable of walking at the moment.”
Lucius giggled. “That is a pretty sweet looking gun.”
Cadmar scaled the couch and hugged Lucius arm, not able to grab any other part. “Yaaay! Hugs...”
Drew stood up wobbily. “I need to go use the... the...” His eyes crossed. “The thing. With the thing in it.” He giggled. “It has a thing. Oh! I know! We should play pool!”
Why are we here?
Because we're here
Roll the bones, roll the bones
Drew giggled. “Hey, Cadmar! Know what the only thing worse than sinking the cue ball is?”
“Argh!” Cadmar scowled at the cue ball as it rolled into the corner pocket. “Shaggoth stains!” She passed the cue to Lucius. “The eight ball?”
Drew giggled. “Yeah. Only thing worse than sinking the eight ball, though, is sinking the Titanic.”
Lucius took the cue. “I am going to make a called shot at the... uh... I think that’s the twelve.” He missed. “Okay, never mind that last bit.”
“Man, I suck at pool drunk... I was a lot better as a guy.” Cadmar slumped on the pool table. “I swear this is rigged.”
Drew giggled. “I doubt it. I just develop nigh-superhuman ball jumping skills when drunk. I guess. I haven’t drunk-pooled in a while.”
Lucius poked Drew with the cue for a few seconds. “Wait, Cadmar, what was that middle bit?”
“Hmm?” Cadmar rewound what she had said in her head. “Um... nothing.”
Lucius squinted at Cadmar. “Are you sure? It kinda sounde-”
“Lucius, let me hold the bloody pokey-stick already. I want to make my shot.” Drew grabbed the cue from Lucius. “Harrumph.”
“Well un, I kinda used to be a guy...” Cadmar mumbled. “Circumstances went bad and I ended up like this.” She dropped her head in her crossed arms.
Drew leaned against the pool cue. “That bites, mate. What happened?” He lost his balance and fell over.
“Got possessed for too long.” Cadmar uncurled a bit. “Luckily I was passed out for the actual change. It’s actually kinda interesting, really. Though I guess it’s kinda creepy to hear a girl talking about being a guy...”
Drew stood up. “Not really.”
Lucius glanced at Drew. “Yeah. There was this whole thing he was talking about a while back with this thing and... yeah.” He shrugged. “You’re still you, mate.”
Cadmar smiled. “Thanks!”
Drew grinned. “No worries, mate!” He lined up a shot. “It’s what we’re here for. I think. Iunno.” He missed. “Damn. Your shot, Cadmar.”
“C’mon....” Cadmar aimed as carefully as she could at the five ball. The cue ball zoomed across the pool table and smacked into the eight ball, causing it to spin into the corner pocket. “ARGH!”
Drew giggled. “Nice. At least you didn’t sink the Titanic.”
“Oh, it’s on my list,” Cadmar said darkly, glaring at the corner pocket.
Lucius hiccupped and fell over.
“Oooh. Looks like it’s almost time to call it a night.” Drew giggled. “Lucius doesn’t fall over until he’s really drunk.” He helped his partner up.
“Yeah. Probably about time.”
“Mmm, I guess.” Cadmar stretched. “Well, thanks for inviting me again!”
Drew nodded. “No problem, mate! Hope you had a good night!”
“Definitely!” Cadmar walked over to the door, wobbling only slightly. “Well, I can walk at least. See ya!” She waved as she opened the door and exited.
Lucius looked around. “Alright. What say we untangle ourselves and clean up a bit?”
“Neh. Untangling can wait.”
***
Drew curled up next to Lucius. “Been a pretty good night. Thanks, mate.”
“No problem. Least I could do, really.” Lucius sighed. “It was a good night.”
Drew yawned. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sleep now.” He curled up against his friend.
Lucius grimaced. “Dammit Drew, I need to put my pants on.”
The door opened slowly, and Cadmar crept in, not seeing the two agents curled up on the couch. She moved wobbly, yet still silently, over to the table where there was still some cake, and grabbed a plate full. As she was heading back out, she noticed Lucius looking at her from the couch. “Er... hi?” she asked with a deer-in-the-headlights expression.
Lucius had a similar expression. “This... This isn’t what it looks like!”
Cadmar shrugged slightly. “Eh. I sleep like that a lot with my partner. So... you don’t care about the cake...?” she asked warily.
Lucius blinked. “I... I guess not. You can have the rest of that, I suppose.”
“Cool... well, have a good night!” Cadmar waved and walked out again, humming a tune while mashing cake.
“Well. That was unexpected.” Lucius sighed.
“Aw, why can’t it be what it looks like?” Drew pouted.
Lucius punched his friend. “You shut up. You’re supposed to be asleep.”
“Whatever.” Drew yawned. “G’night mate.”
“Aye. Sleep well.”
[Tray’s A/N: That was fun! Drunken camaraderie is always a good time. Also, song creds go as follows (Song [Artist, Album, Year]):
-Do The Evolution [Pearl Jam, Yield, 1998]
-Birthday [The Beatles, White Album, 1968]
-Have A Drink On Me [AC/DC, Back in Black, 1980]
-Alabama Song (Whisky Bar) [The Doors, The Doors, 1967]
-Roll The Bones [Rush, Roll The Bones, 1991]
So yeah! All around fun times!]
[Caddy’s A/N: Birthdays are always fun, especially while drunk, and then with pool, even better!]
